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[11 May 2005|10:56am] |
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mood |
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 determined |
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music |
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joanofjoanofjoanofjoanofarc |
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demand motives are subject to supply and demand motives are subject to supply and demand motives are subject to supply and demand [lost and oh so moving like everyone tickl'd till it hurts and gasping in the laugh gaps sick friends is street cred i guess and heartbreaks are just like birthdays i've told so many cities about you telling time in miles and how those shy eyes boast the bold old ghost of original sin we all know monogamy's just a function of capitalism and love it's consequential construct of culture so cash in your holy lusts usher out your doubts lend out your best bent up hopes lay the planks of this noah's ark all your own conjugate lay and lie between appetites and i apologize i am over the counter productive culture]demand motives are subject to supply and demand motives are subject to supply and demand motives are subject to supply and demand
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[07 Feb 2005|09:38am] |
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mood |
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 nostalgic |
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music |
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utah |
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i can take you a place where the sun will rise three times in one day, and all i ask is that you enjoy my company as much as i hope you do.
<3
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| the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth |
[28 Jan 2005|12:11pm] |
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mood |
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charliebrown |
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music |
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joy divison |
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so macRock is on my birthday this year. and the tickets for the car ride there and back will go on sale starting now.
also the bonaroo lineup is up, and looks like more and more fun everytime i look at it.
hmm the new locust ablum art...
the bloodiest night of my life is tonight. hopefully danny/nick you guys are having some sort of get together afterwords i havent hung out with you guys in so long, and id like to.
i would like a makersmart shadow tonight.
oh i just talked to a rather old friend and i got some sweet gossip that id love to share, but ill just bit my tongue and hope to god its true, i cant whipe this eat shit and die smile off my face b/c of this news. i feel indifferant, but i think if this is true it will be the best case of irony ever.
i feel like ive excluded all of my livejournal readers from my life, and i have. i did this on purpose. and im not sorry. i use livejournal only for me, sometimes for someone special in my life at that moment, but for the most part it is only for my satisfaction, most people might read it and be like what the fuck, and i guess thats pretty much what im going for. ive used this thing to my advantage way to many times before, and it just gets old. i enjoy reading lj's ..sometimes, but im going to keep most of this bullshit to a minimum. if you want to know about my life, and how ive been, no bullshit call me and ask. i would like to keep my close friends close and so forth and so on.
as for you,
i just felt the need to tell you that i am more than comfortable here. where i am, im not coming down and youve gone too far to lookback . we might think we both know whats coming, but ive felt like i knew facts before too, there are no answers to the silent questions i ask myself about this, just a warm smile that radiates my whole car. and a kiss that could take my mind off dying. so im taking the ride. waving my arms in the air, and enjoying everyy fucking moment i can with you. and i think it only gets better from here.
i told you i think this is going to be the best year of my life, and so far, i think i might be right.
<3
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| break on through to the other side |
[20 Jan 2005|07:21pm] |
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mood |
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| CHRISTOPHER |
| C |
is for |
Creative |
| H |
is for |
Humorous |
| R |
is for |
Refined |
| I |
is for |
Influential |
| S |
is for |
Sassy |
| T |
is for |
Thrilling |
| O |
is for |
Openhearted |
| P |
is for |
Philosophical |
| H |
is for |
Healthy |
| E |
is for |
Excellent |
| R |
is for |
Radical |
yeah. so things are going my way for once, and im liking it...alot. im falling. and i dont want to get up. <3
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| so lean in and kiss me baby, i promise ill kiss you back. |
[11 Jan 2005|09:16am] |
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mood |
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 indescribable |
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music |
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bright eyes |
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yea so that went alot better than i planned :]
i think the best way possable to end the night, was with a sip of the 'almost better than sex milkshake' and the taste of your lips..
today is going to be a long day. until tonight, im just going to blank my mind and pretend im awake.
<3
it feels like its been so much longer than a year.
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[07 Jan 2005|09:23am] |
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mood |
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content |
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music |
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owen |
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first day back to work today :/
but..after work, (last night we decided) the water paradiso, around 8,9, or 10. if youre up to it?
<3
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| home is where my car is..? |
[05 Jan 2005|02:11pm] |
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mood |
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 nauseated |
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music |
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owen |
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wow. ok here goes. not going to explan how its going to work, but i believe that now, that the worst year of my life thus far is completly over. ending it with possibly the best days of my life, snow, pbr , fireworks, a complete stanger/ my best friend matt, and a j, all in the streets and parks of downtown boston. that i finnally moved off this sinking ship. the first day of this year for me was spent in the streets of nyc wondering around looking for pretty much anything but what i would find here. i found it over and over and over again around every fucking corner in that city. but i cant really say where my favorite place to visit was b/c of the circumstances in providence. matt had a run in with the ice. but i think that you really can get to know a city by spending an hour or two in the hospital/or 30 minutes in the hotdog place. newport is so pretty but its like a club. overall my trip was that, a trip, it was every thing that i needed to be here, and to staying content with not knowing you. although i will admit you where on my mind, it was only for the best reasons. and i only made two personal calls my whole trip, on new years eve, i would say about 30 minutes b/f the new year i guess i made my half ass attempt to clear my chest and say what i was thinking, but you didnt answer, so your machine was good enough for the moment b/c when i got off the phone i felt that i was right about my bad year ending and a great year beginning, so with a clear head i made one more call and you didnt answer either, (its good you didnt) so i wished your mother a happy new year and i held back my emotion, and didnt say what i was thinking about your new year and how i hoped it was spent. one thing that made me happy was seeing the same streets in differant cities, and the same faces on differant billboards. either/or that was the point of my trip to find myself in every city, and that was done very well. so now i still drive like im in new york city, and still smile like im in boston, this will be a good year i can feel it. i have overcome alot of things that i never thought id be able to, and its a shame you wont being seeing this side of me. but you cannot have your cake and eat it too i guess. and yes guesses do get you far as far as i learned. its a good feeling not having the burden of reflection anymore, b/c the mirror does only reflect what you want it too. i cant even remember when the tragedy ended, and thats the best part. confusion and brain lapsing is very common in my every day life, and i love it. i love the feeling of no remorse for a lost fucking cause. i cant explain how many times ive realized how great this could be. not just for me, but for you too. home at last, but not for long, ill leave soon, and then return, and do it again. but if there is anything ive learned it is to look back when you go and look forward while your there. thats my plan, and i think its going to be a great fucking year.
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[24 Dec 2004|11:15am] |
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mood |
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 fucked. |
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music |
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american football |
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no chicago. :[ but still NJ,NY,Boston,and Providence.
goodbye.
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[24 Nov 2004|04:57pm] |
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mood |
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fucked. |
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music |
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cursive |
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so now im ploting. this will be goodgreat. long time needed. and i will be gone for a long time. well, i guess its going to be a long time, depends on who you are. christmas is too far away. new years eve is even farther. long cigarettes till then. !
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[19 Nov 2004|11:40am] |
nevermind.
CANTO VI - the thrid circle of hell
-6-
'wherever I turn away from grief I turn to grief again.'
-105-
'Look to your science again
where it is written: the more a thing is perfect
the more it feels of pleasure and of pain.
As for these souls, though they can never soar
to true perfection, still in the new time
they will be nearer it than they were before.'
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[12 Nov 2004|04:21pm] |
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mood |
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 complete. |
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music |
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joan of arc |
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i am me, again. i was me, but not the same, i was, inpersonating myself, as i would if i were happy, and i wasnt. i am now. and anyone who disagrees with our decision, has the right too. but it wont change anything, what was decided has changed my life more than any of you will ever know. so im going let shittalkers be shittalkers and live my life with my love.
.forever.
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| a hope for a new tommorow. |
[03 Nov 2004|11:44am] |
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mood |
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 fucked. |
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music |
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you and i |
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there is nothing to say. i did my part. did you do yours? did it help? i dont know how you voted so i cant say, but i can say that arrison is/was right, jesus won the election. i knew he would. Bush knew he would. so then again what is democracy. its all pointless, b/c to regain change you have to have the mindset that change is needed, and unfortanitly in the eyes of a little more than half of 'america' its not. moral values. war on terror. whats really needed? a step up from what is now is still wrong. wrong all wrong. i cannot change that. you cannot change that. we together cannot change that, the community of america had a chance and didnt. so whats left? red states, and god is helping us all now? no. im not taking it. we dont need a change in a leader, we need a change in our generation. our youth had a chance to step up and do something about the way our 'country' was going, and the way it would go. and simply did not. did you think they would? am i really dissapointed that this election was alot more important than we ever thought? i am. i am very dissapointed. i cant express the lack of thought that went into the voting stand and pressed that fucking button. i dont understand it. has it always been like this? two americas divided. no. b/c its not just two differant americas, its two differant wars. within your own head. whats right? whats wrong? who is going to decide where your freinds, family, and loved ones get sent in the next world war? its decided now. and personally i would like to ask the state of FL, what it feels like to be bought? b/c if thats just a state, then id like to ask anyone who might be reading this if you know what it feels like to be bought? so much for we decide the future, youth did not. but your parents, people like your parents, your elders, and all the baby boomers who are now nothing but bible beating hypocrites did. and im fucking pissed. im not just pissed about the 'election' im pissed at what we call our society. our generation has nothing to say now. AT LEAST THE WAR WILL COME, AND GIVE US ALL JOBS. fuck you america.
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[29 Oct 2004|02:00pm] |
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mood |
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 alive |
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music |
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le shok |
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i guess, i know, if i could sum it up in words. then last night was just a fast fucking pack of cigarettes.
<3
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| so is fate what we're all calling it one day? |
[27 Oct 2004|09:15am] |
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mood |
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!!! |
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music |
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noise |
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cross under that bridge, laugh. its only life, tempt it. love it lose it regret it. fucking l i v e it. it gets better, believe me. walk it off, learn. teach, feel. i mean really feel. whats a bridge under the water anyway? a blink of an eye, and youre all gone, im all gone, past was, past is. idont live for that.not anymore. live for now. find yourself. ive never had a night like this before. i choked on the smell of regret, and vomited from the taste of remorse. i only lived 18 years, before i found meself. was i dead then? i am alive now? who can tell. when is nigthtimenighttime. lose a care. care to much. D E T A I L. does that happen? is this myself? im not sure. at all. ab st ra ct. life. blink. where was i , where were you? i remember the way i felt. i do. not to say, now i feel. ive been numb. i j awakend. more to come. now this is going to keep my brian busy while my body is at what we call 'work'. love. hate.spice. yea. of life. not life. .absraction. its my new begining. searching, until the new beginings end? or just searching? either way. its a ride. take it. new thoughts. old thoughts. its what makes me me, even if i am the only one who understands it. i can take that risk. im going to. i am. you are. who is? me. me. me. me. and then theres you. oh then theres you. <3 to who ever feels that they deserve it.
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| jesuswasreallysogod damnpretensious. |
[16 Oct 2004|02:47pm] |
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mood |
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 clyde |
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music |
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joanofarc |
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'my lord what a morning...when the stars begin to fall.'
three last night/this morning. the same wish, over and over. i was gone, but it still counted.. right? same wish, come true soon.
<3
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[15 Oct 2004|02:12pm] |
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mood |
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 always clyde |
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music |
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joan of arc |
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yea, the only reason i still read any live journal posts.
<3
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[09 Oct 2004|03:22pm] |
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mood |
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 clyde |
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music |
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sunrah |
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'it aint necessarly so
-the stories in the bible-
-that you read in the bible-
it aint necessarly so'
sun rah and his motherfucking or orchestra
<3u
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[06 Oct 2004|11:52pm] |
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mood |
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 l i k e j e s u s t h e man. |
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music |
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the theme of sun rah |
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:Edit Entrie.imag ion: yo u m enex t to {tw o} peo ple yo u di dnt rea lly kn ow, -alon g wi th- o ne gr eat frie nd tha t travel ed ve ry fa r ju st fo r the sak e of wh at +cou ld be+, an d in th e na me wha t w ee ca ll 'f u n' in a for gie n ci ty. ju st awa y. fr om wha t yo u ca lled home. ju st a da y or tw o[atleastfourmaybefive].ma ybe one <-~flip!~->jus t sh ow ^thefaint^ , bo redem , an d be ing compl ete j ack as s's . yo u wa tchi ng cop s in yo ur unde r wea r. it wi ll be am azing. if its the 25th you sa y. m uch f un will be had. if its any time : much f un will be ha d. :] he art.
exohexohc u m b u s t w i t h m e p l e a s e exohexoh
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